On my wedding day, I carried my wife in my arms. The bridal car
stopped in front of our one-room flat. My buddies insisted that I
carry her out of the car in my arms. So I carried her into our home.
She was then plump and shy. I was a strong and happy bridegroom.
This was the scene of ten years ago.
The following days were as simple as a cup of pure water: we had a
kid, I went into business and tried to make more money. When the
assets were steadily increasing, the affections between us seemed to
ebb. She was a civil servant. Every morning we left home together
and got home almost at the same time. Our kid was studying in a
boarding school.
Our marriage life seemed to be enviably happy. But the calm life was
more likely to be affected by unpredictable changes.
Dew came into my life. It was a sunny day. I stood on a spacious
balcony. Dew hugged me from behind. My heart once again was immersed
in her stream of love. This was the apartment I bought for her.
Dew said, you are the kind of man who best draws girls eyeballs.
Her words suddenly reminded me of my wife. When we just married, my
wife said, Men like you, once successful, will be very attractive to
girls. Thinking of this, I became somewhat hesitant. I knew I had
betrayed my wife. But I couldn't help doing so.
I moved Dew's hands aside and said, you go to select some furniture,
O.K.? I've got something to do in the company. Obviously she was
unhappy, because I had promised her to go and see with her. At the
moment, the idea of divorce became clearer in my mind although it
used to be something impossible to me.
However, I found it rather difficult to tell my wife about it. No
matter how mildly I mentioned it to her, she would be deeply hurt.
Honestly, she was a good wife. Every evening she was busy preparing
dinner. I was sitting in front of the TV. The dinner was ready soon.
Then we watched TV together. Or, I was lounging before the computer,
visualizing Dew's body. This was the means of my entertainment.
One day I said to her in a slight joking way, suppose we divorce,
what will you do? She stared at me for a few seconds without a word.
Apparently she believed that divorce was something too far away from
her. I couldn't imagine how she would react once she got to know I
was serious.
When my wife went to my office, Dew had just stepped out. Almost all
the staff looked at my wife with a sympathetic eye and tried to hide
something while talking with her. She seemed to have got some hint.
She gently smiled at my subordinates. But I read some hurt in her
eyes.
Once again, Dew said to me, He Ning, divorce her, O.K.? Then we live
together. I nodded. I knew I could not hesitate any more.
When my wife served the last dish, I held her hand. I've got
something to tell you, I said.
She sat down and ate quietly. Again I observed the hurt in her eyes.
Suddenly I didn't know how to open my mouth. But I had to let her
know what I was thinking. I want to divorce. I raised a serious
topic calmly.
She didn't seem to be much annoyed by my words, instead she asked me
softly, why? I'm serious. I avoided her question. This so-called
answer turned her angry. She threw away the chopsticks and shouted
at me, you are not a man!
At that night, we didn't talk to each other. She was weeping. I knew
she wanted to find out what had happened to our marriage. But I
could hardly give her a satisfactory answer, because my heart had
gone to Dew.
With a deep sense of guilt, I drafted a divorce agreement which
stated that she could own our house, our car, and 30% stake of my
company. She glanced at it and then tore it into pieces. I felt a
pain in my heart. The woman who had been living ten years with me
would become a stranger one day. But I could not take back what I
had said.
Finally she cried loudly in front of me, which was what I had
expected to see. To me, her cry was actually a kind of release. The
idea of divorce which had obsessed me for several weeks seemed to be
firmer and clearer.
A late night, I came back home after entertaining my clients. I saw
her writing something at the table. I fell asleep fast. When I woke
up, I found she was still there. I turned over and was asleep again.
She brought up her divorce conditions: she didn't want anything from
me, but I was supposed to give her one month's time before divorce,
and in the month's time we must live as normal life as possible. Her
reason was simple: our son would finish his summer vacation a month
later and she didn't want him to see our marriage was broken.
She passed me the agreement she drafted, and then asked me, He Ning,
do you still remember how I entered our bridal room on the wedding
day? This question suddenly brought back all those wonderful
memories to me. I nodded and said, I remember. You carried me in
your arms, she continued, so, I have a requirement, that is, you
carry me out in your arms on the day when we divorce. From now to
the end of this month, you must carry me out from the bedroom to the
door every morning.
I accepted with a smile. I knew she missed those sweet days and
wished to end her marriage with a romantic form
I told Dew about my wife's divorce conditions. She laughed loudly
and thought it was absurd. No matter what tricks she does, she has
o face the result of divorce, she said scornfully. Her words more
or less made me feel uncomfortable.
My wife and I hadn't had any body contact since my divorce intention
was explicitly expressed. We even treated each other as a stranger.
So when I carried her out for the first day, we both appeared
clumsy. Our son clapped behind us, daddy is holding mummy in his
arms. His words brought me a sense of pain. From the bedroom to the
sitting room, then to the door, I walked over ten meters with her in
my arms. She closed her eyes and said softly, Let us start from
today, don't tell our son. I nodded, feeling somewhat upset. I put
her down outside the door. She went to wait for bus, I drove to
office.
On the second day, both of us acted much more easily. She leaned on
my chest. We were so close that I could smell the fragrance of her
blouse. I realized that I hadn't looked at this intimate woman
carefully for a long time. I found she was not young any more. There
were some fine wrinkles on her face.
On the third day, she whispered to me, the outside garden is being
demolished. Be careful when you pass there.
On the fourth day, when I lifted her up, I seemed to feel that we
were still an intimate couple and I was holding my sweetheart in my
arms. The visualization of Dew became vaguer.
On the fifth and sixth day, she kept reminding me something, such
as, where she put the ironed shirts, I should be careful while
cooking, etc. I nodded. The sense of intimacy was even stronger.
I didn't tell Dew about this.
I felt it was easier to carry her. Perhaps the everyday workout made
me stronger. I said to her, It seems not difficult to carry you now.
She was picking her dresses. I was waiting to carry her out. She
tried quite a few but could not find a suitable one. Then she
sighed, All my dresses have grown fatter. I smiled. But I suddenly
realized that it was because she was thinner that I could carry her
more easily, not because I was stronger. I knew she had buried all
the bitterness in her heart. Again, I felt a sense of pain.
Subconsciously I reached out a hand to touch her head.
Our son came in at the moment. Dad, it's time to carry mum out. He
said. To him, seeing his father carrying his mother out had been an
essential part of his life. She gestured our son to come closer and
hugged him tightly. I turned my face because I was afraid I would
change my mind at the last minute. I held her in my arms, walking
from the bedroom, through the sitting room, to the hallway.
Her hand surrounded my neck softly and naturally. I held her body
tightly, as if we came back to our wedding day. But her much lighter
weight made me sad.
On the last day, when I held her in my arms I could hardly move a
step. Our son had gone to school. She said, actually I hope you will
hold me in your arms until we are old.
I held her tightly and said, both you and I didn't notice that our
life was lack of such intimacy.
I jumped out of the car swiftly without locking the door. I was
afraid any delay would make me change my decision. I walked
upstairs. Dew opened the door. I said to her, Sorry, Dew, I won't
divorce. I'm serious.
She looked at me, astonished. The she touched my forehead. You got
no fever. She said. I moved her hand off my head. Sorry, Dew, I
said, I can only say sorry to you, I won't divorce. My marriage life
was boring probably because she and I didn't value the details of
life, not because we didn't love each other any more. Now I
understand that since I carried her into the home, she gave birth to
our child, I am supposed to hold her until I am old. So I have to
say sorry to you.
Dew seemed to suddenly wake up. She gave me a loud slap and then
slammed the door and burst into cry. I walked downstairs and drove
to the office.
When I passed the floral shop on the way, I ordered a bouquet for my
wife which was her favorite. The salesgirl asked me to write the
greeting words on the card. I smiled and wrote, "I'll carry you out
every morning until we are old."
